


in rainbows

by halcydonia



Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M, Tuck Everlasting - Natalie Babbitt
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Immortality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 19:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1358572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halcydonia/pseuds/halcydonia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a story about love, life, and moving on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in rainbows

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ava_lava](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ava_lava/gifts).



> "Everlasting" thanks to the lovely beta MorkieMi, who gave me confidence when I was lacking.

There's a man who sits outside, waiting.  

He's there when Han Geng opens the store, and stays after Zhou Mi locks up. He's always well pressed though, hair neat and shiny and clothes free of creases. He looks almost faded around the edges like an old polaroid photograph that's been in the sun too long, greeting them with a placid smile when they enter and leave but never coming in. It's almost unnerving, how still and silent he is.

Crossroads itself, perhaps, is interesting. Zhou Mi had first been drawn to the shop by the Chinese characters next to the Hangul on the sign above the door, and then found that he never wanted to leave. It's Han Geng's bookstore filled with his own collection of novels, plays, and poems, scattered Chinese-Korean-Korean-Chinese on the shelves. Han Geng rents them out to scholars and researchers, occasionally people who like a rare read, always careful to make sure that they are returned to their proper places. 

"I came here when I was twelve," Han Geng had explained when Zhou Mi had started working there after moving to the neighborhood a year ago. "I fell in love with Korea, but I still identified myself as Chinese and I wanted to surround myself with both languages and cultures. This way I can do both. For me, this shop is the crossroads between my country, and my home." It was all lovely and romantic, and Han Geng had said it with stars in his eyes.

Zhou Mi had introduced himself, however, as a guy with a dead sister and a dream to publish one great novel before the tumor crushing his pituitary gland killed him first. 

"Yah, Zhou Mi!" Han Geng calls from behind the counter. "Is Bench Guy still outside?"

It's pouring rain, and the bench in front of the door is empty. Zhou Mi says as much and Han Geng shrugs. 

"It's to be expected looking at the weather," he says. He mumbles something about going to the store to get milk, but Zhou Mi really knows that he's going to visit Heechul at the hairdresser's down the street. Zhou Mi's fine with that; Han Geng is allowed to have his fun, after all, and it gives him more time in peace with the books. 

He's through half a chapter of a Chinese classic, jotting inspiration down in a battered notebook, when the door bangs open. He looks up and, to his surprise, it's Bench Guy standing in front of him, blinking water out of his eyes and holding something bright in his hand. Zhou Mi jumps up and fumbles with his notebook before setting it on the counter and wiping his hands on his pants.

"Welcome to Crossroads, sir. May I help you…?"

Bench Guy flicks hair out of his eyes, spraying water onto the spines of the books on the closest shelf. Pain prickles at Zhou Mi's brow. 

"I'm looking for a book. Everlasting something, about Korean legends?" The stranger's voice is bright and sharp, and he's flushed pale pink from the late winter cold, breathing heavily from running into the store from the street. He has wide, dark eyes, as black as Zhou Mi's hair used to be. 

Zhou Mi squints and vaguely remembers a man with sallow skin, a book bound in faded black leather. "I'm sorry, we lent the book out the other day. If you'd like, I could reserve it for you when it's returned."

The man lets out a whistle through his teeth then relaxes, hair falling over his face. His expression is calm, but there's a strange, lingering yearning hidden in his eyes. He looks away and breathes, thoughtful, listening to the rain outside. 

"My name is Kyuhyun. Cho Kyuhyun," the man says, his eyes skimming over Zhou Mi's body good-naturedly; it makes Zhou Mi's skin flash hot and cold all at once. 

There's rustling and the snap of velcro and the man - Kyuhyun - opens the thing in his hand up to reveal a child's pocket umbrella. In the midst of the somber colors of the store, Zhou Mi almost has to squint against the brightness to see the pattern on it. 

"You see?" Kyuhyun shows Zhou Mi the top of the umbrella, covered in dark clouds with gloomy faces, and yellow bolts of lightning. "If you go outside holding this umbrella and a helicopter flies over you, the pilot will see you holding up the ground you walk on." He flips the umbrella to the underside, decorated with smiling flowers and green, green grass. "But if you look up, it'll seem like you're holding up the sky. Brilliant, eh?"

Kyuhyun looks up from the umbrella with an intensity that bites into Zhou Mi, speculation sharpening his gaze. Zhou Mi feels as though Kyuhyun's testing him, somehow, for what reason Zhou Mi doesn't know; he's as vague as the umbrella he holds in his hand, sharp lines and bright colors and metaphors that Zhou Mi can't understand.

"This is something precious to me; when you hold this, it's like you have the whole world in your hands." Kyuhyun pauses, voice lofty as though he's already far, far away from the conversation. "I am giving this to you, to keep safe. I will leave now, but I will be back tomorrow like I always am. Good night."

He begins to walk away, and Zhou Mi's a second late to react. 

"Wait! I…" he calls, falters. Kyuhyun stops with his hand on the door. 

"Zhou Mi," he finally says in a small voice. "My name is Zhou Mi."

Kyuhyun turns, slightly, and gives Zhou Mi a friendly smile. He leaves without another word.

\--

After that, Kyuhyun, the strange man with the dark eyes, drops by every day sometime between Zhou Mi's lunch and tea breaks. He observes the store's happenings with a quiet expression, occasionally rifling through books and tossing comments in bizarrely accurate Chinese when Han Geng is feeling inquisitive. Sometimes Han Geng gets restless and leaves Zhou Mi with the store to flirt with Heechul down the street, and only then does Kyuhyun seem to emerge from his meticulous surveillance to ask about the books. Generally Zhou Mi deflects the questions to Han Geng since his knowledge is limited and he's confused by Kyuhyun's singular persistence and unruffled disposition, but every time he comes Kyuhyun asks about the book entitled everlasting something, and Zhou Mi almost feels guilty telling him that it hasn't been returned yet. 

Winter passes this way, feeding into an early spring rife with sunshine and unusually frigid days.

When Han Geng leaves for his afternoon breaks, Kyuhyun offers Zhou Mi an ordinary object with some sort of hidden meaning as a kind of compensation for letting him stay inside with the books for company. The gifts begin to pile up in Zhou Mi's room - the umbrella that Kyuhyun had given him the first day, a jumbo set of marker pens, a model airplane, then shifting from childish toys to scarves and hats, volumes of literature and DVDs. It's as if Kyuhyun gets to know him through the gifts that he gives, as if he assesses Zhou Mi's reactions, the tightening of his eyes, a hint of a smile, to see what he really likes. 

Zhou Mi doesn't know if he's being courted or stalked. 

He goes home one day, after Kyuhyun had given him a Wang Leehom album that he'd never been able to find in a store, in a daze. Kyuhyun had come by early that day, and when Zhou Mi walked into Crossroads after lunch, he saw Kyuhyun and Han Geng huddled together on opposite sides of the counter, Han Geng's face serious and Kyuhyun's like a deer caught in headlights. When Kyuhyun had heard the bell tinkling at the door, he'd shoved the CD into Zhou Mi's hands and scampered out, excitement burning bright in his expression.  

"He's a weird guy," Han Geng had shrugged afterward, and left it at that.  

Zhou Mi smells chili paste and ginger as he toes off his shoes and makes his way to the kitchen. His mother is singing, something that he hadn't heard in… well. 

"I'm making a feast!" she calls from the stovetop. "I hope you're hungry." She's wearing an apron speckled with flour, elbow-deep in a bowl of dough, hair down and bouncing around her face. She's smiling today, and Zhou Mi can't help but smile with her. 

They sit down to a dinner of steamed fish, xiao long bao, re gan mien, winter melon soup, dishes that they hadn't had since they'd moved from Wuhan. For a moment, Zhou Mi is suspicious; these days his mother barely has the energy to get up in the morning, let alone cook all day. But he's not willing to sacrifice her good mood to satisfy his curiosity, so he digs in with gusto. 

After a dessert of egg tarts and black rice porridge sweetened with coconut milk, he's rifling through the cabinet for his immune supplements and his mother is washing the dishes when he finally asks, "Ma, what is this all about?"

The sink turns off. There's an uncertain silence for a few moments. Zhou Mi's mother sighs. 

"I'm thinking that we should go back to Wuhan for a few days, to see your sister," she says, finally. 

It hits Zhou Mi like a punch in the gut. He's been able to forget for nearly a year, going to treatment and sorting through books with Han Geng and, most recently, dealing with Kyuhyun and his strange gifts. It's been nearly a year without the tears and the grief and the sorrow.  

The silence is deafening.

"I thought we came here to forget," Zhou Mi mumbles finally, taking his pills dry.

"We _came_ here," his mother stresses, "because I have a friend who was kind enough to give a referral to a doctor who would do your chemotherapy at half the cost."

If mentioning his sister was a punch in the gut, this is a slap across the face. Zhou Mi swallows around the bitter taste in his mouth. 

"Don't make this hard for me, Mi."

"Right, because it's all about you," Zhou Mi bites back. He throws the pill bottle into the cabinet and goes to stomp up the stairs into his room, slamming the door shut and feeling satisfied at how it makes the floor shudder under his feet. 

There's a mirror next to the door, and the reflection that stares back at Zhou Mi is tired, thin to the point of emaciation, skin translucent and eyes heavy from too many trips to the hospital. His hair is fine and dull and uneven, because there's only so much that hair growth cream can do. 

There's nothing beautiful about him, because there is nothing beautiful or romantic or pleasant about his disease. No matter what the doctors say about the chemotherapy, he knows the cancer is a death sentence, a ticking time bomb pressed against his pituitary gland and hypothalamus. 

It was oh so ironic that Yiling went before him. Gorgeous, talented Zhou Yiling who sang like an angel and came out of university at the top of her class. He supposes that many people would have preferred it if he'd been in the accident instead of her, the sickly boy with only a few years to live anyway.

No one knows that when Zhou Mi was three and Yiling was eight, she'd locked him in the car boot and laughed when he came out shaking and crying out for their mother. 

That's why Zhou Mi carries a notebook everywhere; he wants to write. He wants to create something that would last longer than the memories of his sister, his perfect sister. Longer than the pain, longer than the grief, timeless. Untouchable. But seeing as the cancer isn't going away and the headaches are only getting much, much worse, he doesn't seem to have much time left.

Zhou Mi turns away from his reflection; there's no point, after all, in being caught up in the past, he tells himself. He hears the front door slam; his mother is going, perhaps, to the club to fill the void inside her that his father's leaving and sister’s death had left. He supposes he doesn't love her enough to make up for the loss, but then again, that's not really his job. He feels like it's enough to work at the store when she mopes at home, make a trip to the hospital where he has to lay on his side for a nurse to stick a needle into his back for his third or so round of chemotherapy treatment, and then stay afterward to curb the nausea and see if he's been paralyzed by the intrusion to his spine.

Zhou Mi's fine being left alone. There's an antique wine closet in the dining room that they'd brought with them when they'd moved from Wuhan, and even though his mother hides the key somewhere in her room, he can just as easily pick the lock open with one of her bobby pins. He's twenty-one, after all, not twelve. 

Even though he doesn't like thinking about the past, Zhou Mi can't so easily escape the pain of the present. He cracks an old bottle of wine open by the neck and drinks deeply, careless enough to cut the soft inside of his cheek on the broken glass. He goes through that bottle, and then a couple of tumblers of scotch before he's fully satisfied, his vision blurring before him and his mind thankfully numb. His mother doesn't come home.

He crawls into bed after three, fully clothed, and doesn't move until morning. 

\--

Zhou Mi remembers a time, when he was ten and Yiling was fifteen. There was a choral concert at their church that they only visited during the holidays, and Yiling had the first solo of the night, a pretty song with English lyrics and soaring high notes that fit perfectly with her voice. Every song fit perfectly with Yiling's voice. 

Zhou Mi felt the music straight through his bones, for the first time in his life utterly, bewilderedly speechless. The next day in school he stole scrap paper left over from math class and wrote hundreds and hundreds of fragments of sentences to try to describe the wonderment and the jealousy and the _love_ that he had felt that night. After dinner, he shredded the paper under his fingertips and scattered the pieces in the garbage cans around the house. For years, he would try to master swinging melodies and rich choruses, but when he got sick his immune system was shot to hell. Throat infections were often, and so were trips to the hospital, so he was forced to give singing up in favor of his health, tucking away the yearning that lingered deep in his chest long, long after.

\--

Zhou Mi wakes with an ache behind his eyes. Everything feels soft like cotton, his head, his mouth, his stomach, but there's a heaviness to his limbs that pins him to the bed for another hour, unable to move. When he is finally able to crawl out of bed after noon, his mother's bedroom door is closed, but there's warm porridge and youtiao on the stovetop. It makes Zhou Mi's throat thick with guilt. 

The afternoon at Crossroads is a mind-numbing affair of paying bills and shelving books; at the very least it keeps his mind off of the insistent pain pressing against his brow and the ache he feels when he runs his tongue along the cut in his cheek. Han Geng misinterprets Zhou Mi's mood as a desire of isolation and seeks refuge at the hairdresser's for most of the day, leaving Zhou Mi to stew. Most of the time Zhou Mi wouldn't mind, but for once he could really, really use a hug. 

Kyuhyun comes in late, when Zhou Mi's closing up the shop and reluctantly batting away stray spider webs behind the counter, notebook open on the counter to an empty page that he’s not planning on filling today. It's bright outside and Zhou Mi, having had closed the blinds earlier in the day when he'd begun to see spots, has to shield his eyes when the door opens. Seeing that Han Geng is out, Kyuhyun sets a phone case printed with Mario characters on the counter and leans over to flick Zhou Mi on the forehead.

"You look like someone set your closet on fire," Kyuhyun says with a hint of amusement. Zhou Mi's really not in the mood, and the ache in his head flares. 

"Look Kyuhyun," he bursts out, exacerbated, flinging his hands up by his shoulders in mock surrender. "What do you want with me? You hang around here, barely say a word, but you leave something behind and what does that _mean_ , Kyuhyun? Is this your idea of asking someone out on a date, because it's really freaking me out how much you seem to know about me!"

He rubs his knuckles into his eyes, embarrassed. His outburst was uncalled for, so uncalled for. He doesn't mind Kyuhyun's quiet presence or his gifts or his persistence, not really, he just wants to shut the world out and sleep for a really, really long time. 

Kyuhyun is silent for a while; Zhou Mi almost thinks he's left, for which he's not sure whether he would be relieved or sad, but he's definitely surprised when he finally looks up and sees that Kyuhyun's still standing across the counter. He expects anger, annoyance, shock, even pity to be in Kyuhyun's eyes, but instead he just sees a wide, wide openness. There's a lock of brown hair that curls up from Kyuhyun's face, and his ears are red from being in the cold; not for the first time Zhou Mi feels his stomach quiver just from looking at Kyuhyun, his innocence, his youth. He slumps, and stares hard at his feet.

"God, I'm sorry," he says. He closes his eyes, feeling want and the remnants of last night's binge slosh in his stomach, and for a moment he isn't sure if he's going to throw up from the nausea or embarrassment. "God. That was… unnecessary. I'm not feeling well, and I took it out on you."

Kyuhyun gives him an easy smile and waves the apology away. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks, and there's no anger in his tone. 

Zhou Mi shrugs. "Family problems. Nothing to be done about it. 

"Nothing to be done…" Kyuhyun sounds thoughtful, then claps his hands together, cheerful. "Nothing to be done!" he exclaims and gestures around the shelves as if store is his stage and the books are his audience. "'We are no longer alone, waiting for the night, waiting for Godot, waiting for… waiting… Now it's over, it's already tomorrow, time flows again already, the sun will set, the moon rise, and we away… from here!'"

The words come out in a rush, and Zhou Mi just stares, vision suddenly pulsing black around the edges like a vignette effect on a photograph. It's the longest he's heard Kyuhyun talk in in the month he's known him, ever since the first day with the umbrella. Kyuhyun, seeing confusion, arches an eyebrow.

"You've surrounded yourself by all of this amazing literature and you've never read _Waiting for Godot_?" he scolds. "A shame it is, a shame!"

He continues musing to himself about bringing a copy of the play next time he visits, but Zhou Mi can't seem to hear him anymore. He grips the side of the counter when he feels himself start to fall, his chest tightening in a way that sets panic fluttering through his veins. From the corner of his decreasing field of vision he can see Kyuhyun pitch forward to try to balance him, shouting words that Zhou Mi can't hear. 

There's an interminable period of silence, and a brief moment of the greatest agony he's ever felt in his life. The last thing he sees is Kyuhyun's face flickering in and out of his vision, contorted with shock and fear, before he gives up to the light behind his eyes.

\--

The beeping of the IV machine is too familiar. What's even worse is that when Zhou Mi opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is his very own doctor, a disgruntled look on his face. 

"I'd think you'd get tired of being in the hospital, Zhou Mi," he says, chagrinned.

"I feel well rested now, Dr. Sang." 

The doctor sighs and reports from his folder in a clipped, almost mocking voice. "A hemorrhage, caused by a combination of the tumor in your hypothalamus and abnormally high blood pressure. We've been able to lower the pressure in your skull with a dose of mannitol, since the bleeding wasn't too major. Right now your vitals are stable, so I don't see much of a reason to keep you here more than a few hours to make sure your blood pressure stays under control." He seems to be finished, but when he raises his eyes from the chart he gives Zhou Mi a hard stare. It's difficult not to cower a bit at the gaze. 

"Zhou Mi," the doctor says sternly. "A young man your age rarely ever has to be rushed to the emergency room because of hypertension, even with an illness such as yours. I ran a few tests and they show that you've consumed nearly toxic amounts of alcohol in the past twenty-four hours, and probably have done so more than just once." Dr. Sang sighs. "I know when you and your mother first came to me you said that you were handling your condition well, but if you need to have a talk with Dr. Choi -  "

"Dr. Sang, with all due respect," Zhou Mi interrupts, "I _am_ handling my condition well, and I _certainly_ don't need to see a psychiatrist. I understand that I'm dying and I'm taking all of my medications and I don't have any thoughts of suicide. I'm _coping_. It's just…" he bites his lip, and continues in a quiet voice. "Next week will be the one year anniversary of Yiling's death. It's… hard at home."

Dr. Sang nods in understanding and pats Zhou Mi's hand. He stands and makes a move to leave, but pauses in the doorway. 

"A friend, the guy who brought you here, he's waiting outside. Would you like me to send him in?" He hesitates, as if he doesn't want to say what he's about to say. "Your mother, she said she couldn't make it but she's glad to hear that you're going to be fine."

Something constricts Zhou Mi's throat, making it hard to swallow. "Yeah… yeah, send him in. Thanks, Dr. Sang."

The doctor nods and beckons to someone outside. Kyuhyun shuffles in, looking nervous and out of place, before shutting the door. 

"Are you all right?" he asks. He visibly relaxes when Zhou Mi shrugs, but eventually nods yes. 

"I have cancer," Zhou Mi says suddenly, and Kyuhyun jerks, eyes tightening ever so slightly. "Brain cancer. I've had it since I was twelve. It's been… nine years. I've relapsed three times. My mother and I moved to Korea because she found someone who would do my treatment for very little money, so I have to come here to the hospital every month to get another injection of chemotherapy. I'm sick, Kyuhyun. I'm dying from a two centimeter in diameter tumor somewhere in my brain where the surgeons can't reach, and I won't get better no matter what they say. Living with me, you have to deal with these things pretty often, the headaches, the fainting, the hospital visits. Han Geng's been able to suffer through it for almost a year, but he's got Heechul to run to if he needs a break. Are you that loyal? Are you that understanding, Cho Kyuhyun?"

It's a challenge if anything. Zhou Mi can't do anything but wait for Kyuhyun to think of a response, trying to even his breathing to the timing of the EKG and preparing himself for the sharp stab of rejection. 

Kyuhyun says nothing but takes a small, flat package out of the inside of his jacket. The paper crinkles when he presses it into Zhou Mi's hand. Zhou Mi raises an eyebrow, but lifts the folds of the paper and reveals a soft covered copy of _Waiting for Godot_ by Samuel Beckett and a brand new, leather-bound journal. 

"Reading this play… It changed my life," Kyuhyun says, eyes darting around and looking at nowhere in particular. "It's a story about isolation and power and waiting for something that may never happen, but… It's also a story about hope and purpose and companionship and… It's changed the way I am, and you don't have to read it if you don't want to but - " He cuts himself off and goes quiet, playing with a thread that's escaping from the button of his jacket. Zhou Mi beckons him forward, and when he's close enough he takes Kyuhyun's hand in his own.

"And the journal?" Zhou Mi asks. Kyuhyun gives him a sheepish look. 

"Yours just looks like it's seen better days." Zhou Mi chuckles, then sobers.

"Without you there I could have died," he whispers so softly, both an apology and an offer of gratitude.  Kyuhyun barks a hollow laugh. 

 "I'd like you to go somewhere with me," he says, his voice quietly eager, but he still averts Zhou Mi's gaze. "There's a lake a few hours from here by train, and I like to go camping there every once in a while, just to get away. I was planning on going next week, since it's going to rain this weekend. Will you… will you come with me?"

Zhou Mi wants to say yes. The intensity with which the yearning hits him is startling, at an offer by an almost complete stranger. He grips Kyuhyun's fingertips tighter in his own.

"Last night… last night I argued with my mom. My sister died a year ago, and we moved here not long afterward. My mom, she wants to go back for a few days to visit her, but I don't want to." Zhou Mi stops and shudders almost painfully. "I came here to forget. We're leaving sometime next week. I can't go with you. I'm sorry."

A sad smile flickers across Kyuhyun's face, but he nods. Zhou Mi feels sheepish, like he'd just been a huge disappointment. So in order to conceal his awkwardness he picks up the book that's sitting in his lap with his free hand. 

"This is a play, right?" Kyuhyun nods, and Zhou Mi breathes a sigh of relief. "Well its no fun reading plays with just one person, especially since I'm crap at making up different voices in my head." He looks up through his eyelashes, hopeful. "Will you read it with me?" 

Kyuhyun settles down in the chair next to the bed, but Zhou Mi soon finds his arm aching so he scoots over to give Kyuhyun some room and they end up side by side. Zhou Mi fumbles with his accented Korean, but Kyuhyun helps him, easily keeping up with the back-and-forth between Vladimir and Estragon. The words are a bit awkward and stilted, but still he gets it, he gets what Beckett is trying to say, and he only wishes he knew French so he could read the play in its original language. 

Kyuhyun's good at imitations too; at first he's self-conscious and uncertain, but soon he becomes lively and snarky and puts on a bit of a gruff accent to play Vladimir's role. A few times he even pretends to look into a bowler hat just for Zhou Mi's benefit, and he's successful in coaxing out a few muffled laughs. When Pozzo and Lucky make entrances, however, Zhou Mi makes a wounded sort of sound and clutches his chest.

"That's barbaric!" he exclaims at the stage direction dictating that Lucky is bound to Pozzo by a rope around his neck. "Pozzo treats him like he's a slave!"

"That's the point," Kyuhyun says patiently. "But do you see? No matter how much Pozzo says he wants to sell Lucky, he'll never do it. He's too dependent on him. And Lucky, without Pozzo, would lose his purpose in life, because taking care of Pozzo all he knows about living."

"Can you always twist things in a positive light?" Zhou Mi muses with a smile. They pass time this way, Kyuhyun gesticulating wildly as if he's putting on a performance himself, and Zhou Mi watching carefully for every change in Kyuhyun's expressions, his smile, his laugh. He's beautiful, Kyuhyun is, the kindness in his face and softness of his body, and Zhou Mi once again feels the heat of attraction curl in his stomach like a swallow of scotch. A nurse comes in after a while with discharge papers, and Zhou Mi happily signs them. 

It's a relief to be on the street again in regular clothes. Zhou Mi feels hydrated and refreshed, and the pain has gone down to a familiar pulsing between his eyes. They walk to Zhou Mi's house, and Zhou Mi can feel a sinking in his stomach when they reach the front door. 

"Thank you for today," he says unnecessarily.

"I'm glad you're okay," Kyuhyun replies simply, and Zhou Mi looks at a point above Kyuhyun's shoulder to keep his voice steady. 

"Um…" He still fumbles around his head for the right words to say. "I don't know if my mom's home right now, but I'd really like it if you'd stay for dinner… as a thank you and all, of course. Um, I can't really cook all that well, but worst comes to worst there are leftovers from last night - "

Kyuhyun laughs and nods. "Of course. Anything is fine. Lead the way."

Zhou Mi unlocks the door and they toe off their shoes at the welcome mat. It's quiet in the house, but there's a light on in the dining room. Zhou Mi leads Kyuhyun through the kitchen; the broken neck of a wine bottle peeks out from the top of the garbage bin, and Zhou Mi hastily sweeps it back out of sight.  

Zhou Mi's mother is sitting at the dining room table, a glass of wine in one hand and a photo book in the other. The cover shows a smiling picture of Yiling from before Zhou Mi was born. Zhou Mi clears his throat, and his mother looks up, her expression shuttered.

"Ma, this is Cho Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun, this is my mother." Zhou Mi makes some vague gestures in between the two, and his mother blinks a few times before registering the person before her. She stands and bows slightly, confusion furrowing her brow.

"Ah yes. Hello, Kyuhyun. It's nice to meet you. I'm Zhu Fen, Zhou Mi's mother.

Kyuhyun returns the bow. "It's nice to meet you, Ms. Zhu. I'm sorry for the intrusion." He doesn't say _This is your mom? She can be your sister!_ or something embarrassing like that, for which Zhou Mi is immensely glad. There's still a sort of awkward tension in the room, though, and his mind fails to grasp at something to say. 

"We're just going to heat up some leftovers, Ma. Do you want anything…?"

His mother shakes her head. "Don't mind me, boys. Enjoy yourselves." She finishes her glass of wine and pads off to the kitchen. Zhou Mi hears a door shut on the second floor and glances at the clock. It's 5:30.

He and Kyuhyun busy themselves with heating up leftovers, and they eat in the kitchen standing up, sharing the last bit of orange juice from the refrigerator and talking about everything and nothing in particular. When they finish, Zhou Mi feels suddenly exhausted, drained of the excitement of leaving the hospital and drowsy from his full stomach. It's only around eight, but he leans his head on Kyuhyun's shoulder and closes his eyes, breathing in the scent of fresh grass and the musk of old paper. 

"Maybe you should go to bed," Kyuhyun says softly, brushing a tuft of hair from Zhou Mi's forehead. 

"Don't want to move." Zhou Mi pouts, and he can feel the vibrations of Kyuhyun's chuckle radiate through his entire body. Then he shouts aloud, because Kyuhyun suddenly lifts him over his shoulder fireman style and carries him upstairs with surprising strength. There's a bit of trial and error with the doors around the hallway before Zhou Mi flails, "Left, the one on the left!" Kyuhyun deposits him gently on the bed, and Zhou Mi breathes hard through his nose for a moment while trying to calm his racing heart.

"Don't ever do that to me again, Cho Kyuhyun, you scared me half to death!" Zhou Mi hisses, waving a finger and everything. Kyuhyun just laughs and laughs, and Zhou Mi stops his tirade just to listen. Kyuhyun laughs with his whole body, he notices, his shoulders shaking with mirth, clutching at his stomach and bending nearly in two, consumed completely by delight. 

"Stay," Zhou Mi blurts out without thinking, and Kyuhyun sobers immediately. "Just for the night. It's getting late. Just please… stay with me."

There's a closed expression on Kyuhyun's face, so different from the openness of just a few moments prior. But then it softens, and Zhou Mi breathes.

They crawl into the covers together, not bothering to get undressed. There's a moment when they both feel a need to face opposite directions since the bed is so small, but then Zhou Mi feels like he he's going to fall right off of the edge and turns toward the center again only to see Kyuhyun staring right back at him with wide, wide eyes, illuminated just so by the strip of moonlight that streams through the curtains. 

Curiosity burns bright in Zhou Mi. "You're always at the store, Kyuhyun," he whispers, suddenly aware of the silence brought on by darkness. "Where do you go afterward? Where's your home?"

Kyuhyun takes a while to answer, and Zhou Mi wonders if it's possible for a person to sleep with his eyes open. But Kyuhyun takes a quick breath and says, "I just go around. There are so many interesting places, interesting people. I'm never really in one place for too long. I stopped by Crossroads one day because it seemed different from the average café or boutique. But…" He bites his lip, and his fringe falls over his eyes. "But then I met a guy who rarely smiles but has these really long legs and likes girly scarves and jewelry. He's obsessive about being tidy and carries a journal around to jot notes in and dusts with a look of ultimate concentration. He's a guy who keeps all of my gifts neatly stacked in the corner of his room." He laughs self-consciously. "I stay because of you, Zhou Mi." 

There's an interminable moment of silence, when Zhou Mi freezes and Kyuhyun just stares. There seems to be no expectation in Kyuhyun's eyes, just a yearning so palpable that it makes Zhou Mi's own heart ache with empathy. Part of him says _yes!_ but the other part wants to cower under the covers, and he just can't think of the words to say back so he opens his mouth, not a sound coming out. 

After a while, Kyuhyun closes his eyes. When his breathing evens out and he's deeply asleep, Zhou Mi seeks his hand under the blanket and covers it with his clammy palm, pats back a lock of hair that curls just above Kyuhyun’s eye. Kyuhyun's eyelashes fan out over his cheekbones, and in the moonlight Zhou Mi can see old acne scars and stretch marks on the skin, remnants of a tough puberty. Something twists up Zhou Mi's throat because he looks so small and so, so young. 

Zhou Mi runs his fingertips along the facets of Kyuhyun's face slack with sleep, and wonders how he could be so incredibly stupid. 

\--

Kyuhyun doesn't come to the store for days.

It makes Zhou Mi antsy so it makes Han Geng antsy, too. He paces back and forth in Crossroads, obsessively straightening out the books and hiding the bills in places Han Geng can't find in an attempt to tidy the counter. A few customers come in throughout the weekend, but soon skitter out when Zhou Mi waves a feather duster dangerously close to their faces. 

"You're killing the business," Han Geng complains, but Zhou Mi just gives him a look and he shuts up. At least he's not running off to Heechul's anymore. 

It rains the whole weekend, just like Kyuhyun had said it would.

Zhou Mi's taken to bringing out old home videos that are stored in the attic when his mother is asleep, notebook open next to him in case inspiration strikes from fuzzy smiles and muffled laughs. He has to fight with the VHS machine to get it to work, and in the end he's not sure if it's worth it because he ends up nearly putting a foot through the television anyway, shivering with broken sobs and clawing at his chest to just _make it stop_. Yiling is in every single one of the videos, singing in a concert or accepting her diploma or just smiling, smiling a smile so wide that it fills the entire screen. After the fourth day Zhou Mi digs through the box only to find his hand hit cardboard and there are no videos left to watch. He throws the box across the room, throws his journal too because there are no words that he can think of that are more beautiful than a young, tragic death. He bites down on his knuckles hard enough to draw blood, and his heart _hurts_. 

Zhou Mi gazes up at the screen where Yiling is riding her first bicycle, the taste of bile bitter in his throat. No matter how long Yiling is gone, he thinks, she will always have the last laugh. 

\--

When Zhou Mi wakes up, everything seems perfectly normal, even though something in the very back of his mind says that it shouldn't be. Sunlight streams in through the curtains bright enough to make his eyes hurt. He attempts to sit up to stretch, but it feels like something leaden is holding him down by the chest, and his bones are liquid. Then he remembers, it's Thursday. Oh. _Oh_.  

It's funny how much he's been telling other people, his mother, his doctor, Han Geng, that he's okay, he's dealing, he's over it. He's felt proud of himself, saying that he's strong and that nothing, not even his father's leaving or his sister's death, could take him down. He's been ignoring the nights with the videos and the endless drinking, because he thought that he'd had the right to a period of grief. But he supposes, now, that it's been far too long, that he's just as bad as his mother is. 

The air is thick, suffocating. He wants to reach out and grab it from in front of him, crush it into his lungs, because it feels like _he can't breathe_. There's a half packed suitcase lying at the foot of his bed, and he has the urge to kick it, spill the clothes and toiletries all over the floor like the contents of his heart, just to stall a little bit more. 

He trudges through the hallway to his mother's room, and knocks on the door. There's no answer, so he pushes the knob and tiptoes in. He sees a lump under the comforter, and he walks over to gently shake his mother's arm.

"Ma. Ma, wake up. Ma, it's five already. If we don't go soon we'll be late for our flight."

His mother stays silent. Zhou Mi pulls the covers away from her face so he can see her eyes wide open, tear tracks running red down her cheeks, but she doesn't respond, just stays frighteningly still. Zhou Mi shakes her again, the beginnings of hysteria rolling in his stomach. 

"Ma, please get up. We'll miss our flight." No answer. Zhou Mi becomes frantic. "Ma? Ma! Ma, please, please get up, please don't do this to me." He grips her hard enough to make it hurt, but she just flops over on her back and stares at the ceiling. 

She's done this twice before, once after his father had left their family for another woman, and the other time after they'd come back from the hospital after identifying his sister's body. For days she didn't move from her bed, just lying catatonic on her side and crying. At least the first time Yiling had been there to help him try to revive his mother from the dead.

"This isn't fair, Ma!" Zhou Mi still cries almost half an hour later, rocking the bed in panic and anger and grief. "What about me, Ma, what about me? I'm just a boy too, your baby boy, you can't just leave me alone. It's been a year, Ma." He's sobbing now, big, fat tears streaming down his face and he gasps because he has no more energy to keep himself calm. His mother's face remains blank, as though she's dead herself.

"I can't take it anymore," he finally whispers, so hoarse he doesn't think she can hear. "It hurts, Ma. I'm just a boy, too."

And he walks out, not knowing where he wants to go but _away_. He passes by bakeries and dress shops and banks and he just keeps walking, for how long he doesn't know, because he doesn't know what else to do but let the bleakness in his heart suck him dry. 

After a while, he sees something bright at the corner of his eye and stops. He's gotten himself in front of the park and sees someone milling through the bushes and grass, hands folded behind his back, peering up at the sky in a good-natured kind of wonderment. Zhou Mi stumbles toward the man and almost trips; he's still in his nightclothes, and his slippers now have holes in the toes. 

"Kyuhyun," he croaks and tries to reach forward before he topples over a hedge. 

"Zhou Mi." Kyuhyun stares in bewilderment, lurching forward to catch Zhou Mi before he falls to the pavement. His red scarf flutters around his neck, and Zhou Mi breathes its scent in, trying to grasp at some semblance of composure. 

"Zhou Mi, what's wrong?" Kyuhyun says urgently when Zhou Mi's body goes slack, and his knees buckle under the dead weight. "I thought you were leaving for Wuhan?"

Zhou Mi feels his shudder with his entire being. "Yiling died a year ago today, Kyuhyun," he says thickly. "What possibly can be right?"

Together, they struggle to get Zhou Mi upright, but finally they manage, Kyuhyun panting hard and Zhou Mi swaying slightly on his feet. Kyuhyun gives Zhou Mi a sharp once-over, brow furrowed in concentration and internal debate. 

"You're going somewhere with me," he finally decides, and he takes Zhou Mi's hand and tugs him forward until they're in a dead sprint. Zhou Mi doesn't know where they're going, but there's adrenaline pumping through his veins and he can see Kyuhyun's hair flop as he runs, so he supposes that he doesn't have to care, at least for a little while. 

They make their way to a fast food restaurant somewhere down the road, and Kyuhyun orders them two coffees before shoving Zhou Mi toward the bathroom. The breakfast crowd stares at Zhou Mi's decrepit sweatpants and torn slippers, but Kyuhyun just glares at them to make them stop. 

In the bathroom Kyuhyun quickly gets to work, pushing up a loose tile next to a light fixture in the ceiling and pulling down a small duffel bag. He nearly rips it open in his haste but manages to thrust a pair of clothes into Zhou Mi's arms, jeans and a sweater so soft Zhou Mi is tempted to make a nest out of it and sleep for a while. After he changes, Kyuhyun gives him a disposable cell phone and puts the bag back in its place in the ceiling, replacing the tile neatly.

"Call your mother," he orders. "Say you're not going to be home for a while, and tell her not to worry."

It feels robotic, but Zhou Mi leaves a message on his home answering machine, one on Han Geng's too just to be safe, and follows Kyuhyun out of the restroom. Kyuhyun downs his coffee as soon as they get it from the counter, but Zhou Mi sips his slowly, blowing on it so he doesn't burn himself. 

The town is a small network and everything's close together, the hairdresser's, the restaurant, the food store, Crossroads. Kyuhyun pulls him toward the train station and buys two one-way tickets to a place that Zhou Mi's never heard of before somewhere in the Korean countryside. He feels brittle, thin around the edges with all of these people around him, and he curls in on himself until they find themselves an empty compartment and Kyuhyun locks the door. 

Zhou Mi doesn't realize how tense he is until Kyuhyun winds an arm around his shoulders and he just seems to melt into Kyuhyun's embrace. Kyuhyun stays a silent pillar of support, occasionally patting Zhou Mi's stiff shoulder and murmuring words of comfort, only rousing Zhou Mi when it's time to get off the train. 

There's a village a half an hour from the train station, and Kyuhyun tells Zhou Mi to wait outside what looks like a small market store before he goes inside. People walk by and eye him curiously, so he crosses his arms, self-conscious and daring them to say anything to him. Through the window, he can see Kyuhyun amicably greeting an older woman, who disappears into the back room and comes out pressing flat boxes and a couple of bags into his hands. 

"You ready for a journey?" Kyuhyun asks after he pays the woman, wiggling his eyebrows, and Zhou Mi just shrugs. 

They don't walk far, maybe twenty minutes from the outskirts of town at their stumbling pace. There's no road to follow, but patches of grass are well worn as though the path is frequently traveled. Despite the blankness in Zhou Mi's expression, Kyuhyun valiantly tries to point out some interesting birds perching on trees, the occasional pretty orchid, and Zhou Mi can only admire Kyuhyun's persistence while he peers around, taking everything in.

At the last stretch of walking Zhou Mi can see tall trees looming, and eyes Kyuhyun with trepidation. Kyuhyun just gives him a reassuring smile and pushes through some ferns, until they come to a modestly sized lake. The water is probably the cleanest that Zhou Mi's ever seen, with a faint bluish tinge under the fading sunlight. There's a clearing right behind it, and behind that is what looks like a forest, deep enough that Zhou Mi can't see through to the other side. Everything looks lush, green, healthy, and it takes Zhou Mi's breath away. 

Kyuhyun puts his grocery bags down and sets to rustling around a bush. He pulls out a huge camping bag and a mass of poles that looks like a tent ("Easier to keep here since I come so often," he tells Zhou Mi when he eyes the tent with curiosity). The bag holds everything, extra clothes, a lantern, a handgun (“in case there are bears”), and Kyuhyun's efficient with putting the tent up; it's small but just big enough to fit the two of them if they fold their legs properly, which is all that really matters.  

When they're both able to settle down on what looks like a picnic blanket, Kyuhyun puts the grocery bags in his lap and begins to set out bento boxes and chopsticks with napkins wrapped around them. Zhou Mi raises an eyebrow at the bottled water and looks pointedly at the lake.

"The lake is fine for bathing," Kyuhyun offers as explanation, "but there are too many heavy metals in the water, so I prefer to drink bottled; don't want cobalt poisoning, or something silly like that." And Zhou Mi nods in understanding, because that sounds reasonable.  

Then he takes a bite from his bento and moans.

"What," Zhou Mi says, "does she put in this?"

"Um." Kyuhyun blinks owlishly. "Food?"

Zhou Mi scowls, then takes another bite. And moans.

"I think this is the best bulgolgi I've ever tasted," he says, holding his chopsticks up solemnly. "I would marry that woman if she would just make me more."

"She'd make me more if I just asked for it," Kyuhyun laughs around a mouthful and grins. He eats with a stilted tempo, shoving food in his mouth to make his cheeks puff out, then savoring the flavor as he chews. It's oddly endearing.

They finish quickly, too hungry to hold much of a conversation, and then lean back holding their stomachs.

"I'm blaming you if I fall into a food coma," Zhou Mi groans, feeling gluttonous. Kyuhyun's eyes narrow, but his tone is light. 

"Feeling better?" he asks, and it's Zhou Mi's turn to stare. He shifts around and wrings his hands, and the silence that stretches out before them isn't really uncomfortable, just heavy with anticipation. Kyuhyun ducks his head encouragingly, and Zhou Mi lets out a shaky breath.

"My sister died a year ago today," he says, hoping that there's a tone of finality there so they don't have to delve further into this conversation, but he only sounds feeble, brittle instead of confident. He takes another deep breath in an attempt to stabilize his mood, but he can already feel his heart drop to his stomach. 

"My sister died a year ago today," he tries again. "My mother and I, we were supposed to leave for Wuhan to visit her, but… My father left my family when I was young, and that, and Yiling's death, it just broke my mother’s heart. It's… hard at home."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Kyuhyun whispers, something like regret in his voice, and he smooths a lock of hair that falls across Zhou Mi's forehead. Zhou Mi catches Kyuhyun's hand and holds it at his cheek, sighing at the warmth.

"You know, I always thought it was funny that people say sorry for things they can't control," he says. "I'm supposed to be sorry, right? For not being a better brother, for not saving her, yadda yadda. But the truth is, she died in a freak accident, and no one could have saved her. I was in the hospital the day she died, getting my second round of chemo. There's nothing I could have done to save her." Kyuhyun's mouth opens as if he wants to say something, but he shuts it just as quickly.

Zhou Mi's been trying to rein in the stress for so long that he's genuinely surprised when Kyuhyun reaches up to sweep under his eyes, where wetness is just beginning to collect on his lashes. Zhou Mi blinks and feels the trickles of grief run down his cheeks and into the collar of his shirt.

"I miss her a lot," he whispers. "She used to lock me in the closet when she brought boys home. When I was really sick she didn't visit me in the hospital because she had to go to a graduation party. When she died my mother made me give up my degree at university to move to Korea and forget, but can you really forget that one-third of your family is gone?" He knocks Kyuhyun's hands out of the way and wipes angrily at his eyes. "It's selfish, I'm selfish, but I love her too much, Kyuhyun, I hate her and I love her and I miss her and it's selfish, but - "

"Hey, hey," Kyuhyun murmurs, clasping Zhou Mi's hands in his own when Zhou Mi's voice begins to break from panic. "Hey, it's okay Zhou Mi, just breathe, breathe. It's okay."

Zhou Mi sucks in a suffocating breath and wraps his arms around Kyuhyun's middle, desperate to feel warmth in his suddenly frigid body. 

"I'm glad you brought me here," Zhou Mi breathes. _I'm glad you're here with me._ Kyuhyun thumps him on the back, and pulls away with softness in his eyes.

"Feeling better?" he asks, and Zhou Mi thinks for a moment before he smiles and nods. "Yeah, I think I'm better."

"Anything you want to do? Take a walk, or sleep, or stay up to talk?"

Zhou Mi just shivers and hugs his arms around his knees. "I'm cold," he whispers, eyeing the setting sun in the horizon. Kyuhyun seems to think hard for a minute, then he claps his hands together, leaps up, and begins digging around in his bag for something.

"What are you doing?" Zhou Mi chatters through his teeth, and Kyuhyun holds up a sharp, flat rock and a steel pocketknife in his hands. He sets to work collecting dry wood in the forest behind him, and orders Zhou Mi to strip some of the soft bark off of a tree.

Kyuhyun nestles some grass in the bark, and places that over the pile of wood. He looks up to make sure Zhou Mi's watching, wiggles his eyebrows jauntily, and strikes the blade of the knife with the flint.

"Ouch!" Kyuhyun jolts in surprise, and bites the tip of his thumb that's starting to bruise from being caught in between the flint and steel. There's such an expression of bewilderment in his face as he looks at the tools like they've personally offended him, and it really shouldn't be funny, it shouldn't, but Zhou Mi laughs anyway. Laughs in such a consuming way that he can feel the warmth of it all through his stomach, and his grin stretches so wide that it's almost painful. He giggles in short, breathless gasps, eyes watering from the cold and mirth. 

And Kyuhyun watches with a small, quiet expression on his face, his pupils blown wide and mouth just slightly ajar. He hesitates and there's a long moment of just waiting, but then he moves, and oh - _oh_ - 

And then they're _kissing_. Kyuhyun kisses Zhou Mi so hard that their teeth clack together, and it's short, and it's sweet, but Zhou Mi already feels like his mouth is bruised and he wants _more_ , but Kyuhyun holds him carefully away. 

" _That_ ," Kyuhyun pants, breath ghosting over Zhou Mi's mouth, "that is what I've been looking for, Zhou Mi."

"Hmm?" Zhou Mi gulps and eyes at Kyuhyun's mouth hungrily. Kyuhyun smiles and laughs a little puff of air across Zhou Mi's lips and kisses him again, soft. 

"That's it, Mi," Kyuhyun murmurs. "That's it."

Zhou Mi's a little flustered and doesn't quite understand, but he can't bring himself to care. He remembers the heat that curls up in his stomach, the fondness when he sees Kyuhyun's wonky grins, and at least that makes sense now, he thinks. _I like Kyuhyun_ , he thinks. 

Kyuhyun pulls away with a frozen, hesitant look, like he's gone too far. He picks up the flint at his knees again and attempts to start the fire again, but Zhou Mi grabs his wrist. He hopes that the earnestness in his eyes is an answer is enough, and Kyuhyun lets out a low breath through his teeth.

"Okay," he whispers, and Zhou Mi knows that he understands. "Okay."

Zhou Mi laughs again some time later, something warm and light fluttering in his stomach, when Kyuhyun takes out a bag of marshmallows and a bar of chocolate out of his bag. Sweet treats and even sweeter kisses, Zhou Mi thinks after he tastes chocolate on Kyuhyun's lips, and at that moment he isn't anything but satisfied.

\--

"I think we need to go back to the village," Kyuhyun says on the third day in, frowning at the grocery bags that he's taken to tying high up on a tree branch to protect them from predators. 

Zhou Mi flicks his freshly washed hair out of his eyes and walks over to take a look. "Those bags were full a few days ago," he says matter-of-factly. Kyuhyun blinks at Zhou Mi's flat stomach, looks up again, and then back.

"Where does all the food go?" Kyuhyun demands almost angrily, and Zhou Mi just laughs.

"Top secret," he says, winking. "You'll have to kill me to find out." And Kyuhyun has to laugh at that.

It takes them a shorter time to get back to the village, and it seems even faster because Kyuhyun is ramped up with excitement, pulling Zhou Mi along and nearly tripping them both a few times because of it.

"I have some good friends in the village," he explains. "I haven't seen them in a while, so I guess I'm a bit… over enthusiastic." 

It seems to be contagious because Zhou Mi's almost jittering too when they walk into village, hand in hand. Kyuhyun pulls them into the market store again and waves at the woman standing on the other side of the counter. 

"Ahjumma," he says warmly, and leaves Zhou Mi to envelope her in a hug.

"Kyuhyun!" the woman says in surprise. "I didn't expect to see you back so soon. I'm assuming this is just a friendly visit, since I've given you enough food to last a month!"

Zhou Mi shifts his feet sheepishly when he feels Kyuhyun's amused stare on him. He hears the ahjumma cluck her tongue in knowing. 

"Ahh, I see. A new friend, Kyuhyun? Perhaps you should introduce us."

Kyuhyun grins and takes Zhou Mi's hand. "Ahjumma," he says. "This is Zhou Mi. He's staying with me at the lake for a little while, and he loves your bulgolgi but eats like a beast, so we were wondering if you could grace us with more of your culinary genius."

Zhou Mi gives an embarrassed nod and tries to bow, only to find it difficult when he's attached to Kyuhyun's hand. "Nice to meet you, ahjumma. My name is Zhou Mi."

The ahjumma laughs heartily and pats Zhou Mi daintily on the shoulder. "No need to be so formal!" she says. "Kyuhyun's practically one of the family, so if you're his friend, then you are too." Zhou Mi just nods again and tries to become as small as possible. 

The door bangs open then, and there's much grunting and panting and banging about when two men come in carrying heavy boxes full of produce and canned goods. They fuss around for a moment but then they see Kyuhyun, mouths open, drop their boxes, and tackle him with hugs and _where have you been why don't you visit you ass hole_ 's. Kyuhyun gives a delighted laugh as one of the men noogies the life out of his head. 

"Zhou Mi!" Kyuhyun gasps when he finally wiggles himself free and collapses in Zhou Mi's open arms. "Mi, I'd like you to meet Siwon and Donghae. My… friends, I suppose you can call them," he finishes with a rueful smile.

The shorter man of the two puts a hand to his heart mockingly. "I'm hurt, Kyu," he says, and feigns falling to the floor. He rolls his eyes and sticks out his hand at Zhou Mi. "Lee Donghae. Nice to meet you, Zhou… Mi?"

Zhou Mi nods and takes the proffered hand; Donghae has kind of a blinding smile and charming accent, the kind that you don't normally find in this part of Korea. He takes Siwon's hand too, surprised by the quiet but noticeable strength radiating from him and his gentlemanly manner.

"Nice to meet you, Siwon, Donghae. My name is Zhou Mi." He almost _feels_ his accent on his tongue, and very suddenly seems out of place. But then he jumps when he feels a firm hand on his shoulder. The ahjumma smiles up at him in amusement. 

"Well since you're both here," she says, a fierce light twinkling in her eyes, "would you mind very much if I set you boys to work?" Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi blink at each other with apprehension, but Donghae just rolls his eyes again and grabs Kyuhyun by the scruff of the neck, dragging him out of the store.                                                                 

"We'll see you for dinner, ahjumma!" he calls over his shoulder, and Zhou Mi and Siwon follow helplessly behind. 

Zhou Mi is worked harder than he's ever worked in his entire life. The ahjumma doesn't just own a store - no, she owns an entire field of wheat, sesame, hemp, a field that stretches out forever and then some. After a few hours Zhou Mi still finds himself bent over and spreading damp hay around the perilla plants in order to keep them from drying out. It’s finally warm enough that he feels sweat roll down his temple, and he pauses to wipe his forehead with his sleeve. But then he sees a pair of sturdy boots in front of him and straightens to see Siwon, expression conflicted. 

"Zhou Mi," he says slowly, voice low and deep so Kyuhyun and Donghae can't hear some distance away. "How do you know Kyuhyun?"

Zhou Mi blinks at the strange wording of the question. "He frequents the bookstore I work at," he says, brow furrowed in confusion. "We became close, and he invited me here to stay with him for a while."

Siwon still looks torn. "Kyuhyun doesn't need any distractions now," he says firmly, after a while.

Zhou Mi bristles at that. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it when he feels an arm sling around his neck. 

"What are you guys talking about?" Kyuhyun says loftily, giving Siwon an irritated glare. Donghae looks among the three of them, eyes sharp. Zhou Mi pushes Kyuhyun's arm off of his shoulder.  

"You're sweaty," he mutters as a way of explanation, but it just sounds weak to his ears.  

Donghae, noticing the rapidly souring mood, claps his hands together, and says loudly, "I think that's enough for now. Ahjumma will be pleased. Why don't we wash up and then have something to eat?"

Washing up for now consists of dipping their hands and faces in a pail of water and trying to not think about how grimy they are. When Zhou Mi's done, Kyuhyun pulls him to the side as Donghae and Siwon wash.

"Did Siwon say anything to you?" he asks sharply.

 _Obviously_ , Zhou Mi thinks, but says instead, "Not really. Just wanted to know how I met you."

Kyuhyun nods uneasily but lets his arm go. By then the others are done and they head to a small one-room house next to the shop, and Zhou Mi is slightly unsettled by how they don't have to take their shoes off at the door.

But then he sees the feast spread out on the floor table in front of them, and his mouth drops. Kimchi, cold noodles, jiggae, a huge plate of bulgolgi, all fresh and ready to be eaten. Zhou Mi's mouth waters just looking at it. 

"Dig in, boys!" ahjumma says. "You must be hungry from all the hard work you've been doing."

They're only too eager to comply, stuffing their faces for a few minutes before slowing down to breathe. The food is exquisite. 

"So," Donghae asks conversationally around his chopsticks, "Zhou Mi, right? Kyuhyun tells me that you're a writer. Novels and the like, eh?" 

Zhou Mi swallows a mouthful of noodles and shrugs. "I want to write in the future, yes. I went to university to study literature, but I had to give that up when I moved to Korea. Right now I work at a bookstore, hoping that I'll be able to find some inspiration. I met Kyuhyun there, actually. He was remarkably persistent in trying to find a certain book that we had, but unfortunately it hasn't been returned yet."

Donghae's eyes tighten ever so slightly. "Is that so?"

"So," Kyuhyun interjects loudly, staring at his bowl of soup. "Have any of you heard from Changmin recently?" 

Siwon shakes his head. "He called about a month ago, but not since then."

"Changmin's one of the young boys who moved out of this little old village," ahjumma explains to Zhou Mi as she puts down plates of freshly cut fruit. "Now he’s a researcher in this big lab with these huge dreams of saving the world. He told me he should be coming back by the end of this month with _news_."

Donghae snorts fondly. "Yeah, like he's said every time he's come back."

"Why don't you two find work outside of the village?" Zhou Mi asks, and then blushes at his rashness. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound - "

Donghae waves a hand in dismissal. "Neither of us are city boys. We're strong, good for farm work, and there are some pretty girls in this village." He winks over his shoulder. "Right, ahjumma?" 

Ahjumma hits him over the head with a duster. "You eat your fruit, silly boy, I know you try to get an eyeful of Jessica when she’s not looking," she admonishes, and continues her cleaning.  

While Donghae tries to hide his fervent blush, Siwon stands and bows his head. “Excuse me,” he says quietly, and walks out with a cigarette lighter in his hand, giving Kyuhyun a significant look. Kyuhyun seems to hesitate for a moment, but follows him out. 

Donghae lowers his hands from his face and nods toward the door. “You should probably go check out what those two old ladies are gossiping about,” he advises lightly, seriousness marring his joking words. Zhou Mi nods, and gets up.

Kyuhyun and Siwon are leaning against the steps leading up to the store, and Zhou Mi can see the butt of Siwon’s cigarette flare red in the dark from where he stands in the crack of the doorway.

"... involving yourself in matters that don't concern you, Siwon," he hears Kyuhyun say after Siwon takes a long drag.

“It’s not safe, Kyuhyun, you should be able to understand that,” Siwon says, strained.

“What’s not safe, Siwon?” There’s anger in Kyuhyun’s voice now. “You think he’d harm us? Reveal our secrets? You don’t know him, Siwon, he’d never do that if I told him – ”

“ _You_ don’t know him very well either, Kyuhyun,” Siwon cuts in. “These things 'don't concern me,' huh? I’m thinking about the village, Kyuhyun, if anything gets out – it’s your selfishness, you're not even thinking about how many lives you’d disrupt if you – ”

“And what about me, Siwon?” Kyuhyun interjects hotly. “Do I not have the right to spend the rest of my life with someone who I – who I may – ”

In the distance there’s the sound of a mother shouting to her children that dinner is ready and that they have to go inside. Zhou Mi’s heart pounds in his throat when Kyuhyun and Siwon turn toward where he is standing and he slips back inside, where Donghae eyes him carefully.

The others return, and after that they try to fill in the silence with meaningless, too-cheerful conversation. Zhou Mi tries to catch a glimpse of Kyuhyun’s expression, but Kyuhyun averts his gaze. They end up leaving long after the sun has set, carrying bags and bags of food and toiletries in their hands. Ahjumma gives them each a hug and pats Zhou Mi on the face.

"Take care of our Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi," she says with a chuckle. "He's thorough, but sometimes he can get too intense if he has too much on his plate. 

Zhou Mi nods and bows his head. "Thank you, ahjumma." 

"And you!" She hits Kyuhyun playfully on the butt, earning an indignant noise. "You don't get into any trouble, you hear? I'll send Henry over if I hear any news from Changmin."

Kyuhyun grins, and squeezes her in an extra hug. "Thanks, ahjumma."

"It was nice meeting you, Zhou Mi," Donghae says with a high five. "Visit more often, yeah?" Siwon just stands silently by his side, giving Kyuhyun a significant look as if to say, _be careful_.

Weighed down by their bags, they almost crawl once the lake is in sight, but Kyuhyun somehow feels like they need to maintain their dignity and flings Zhou Mi's arm around his shoulder, and together they limp back to the tent. Zhou Mi falls into his pile of blankets with a groan, hearing a rippling crack go up his spine. 

"I'll never walk again," he vows solemnly, and Kyuhyun laughs and reaches over to tickle under his arms. Zhou Mi melts into a pile of giggles and finally curls up into a ball. 

"I surrender," he chokes into his elbows. They quiet down, and Kyuhyun snuggles into Zhou Mi’s shoulder. 

"Your friends are nice," Zhou Mi says.

"Mm." 

"The food was even nicer." That gets him another burst of laughter. 

"Sleep," Kyuhyun says sternly. "I'm going to break my ribs in a sec, to stop the pain."

Zhou Mi chuckles and strokes Kyuhyun's side. They lapse into a comfortable silence after that, and Zhou Mi drifts off to Kyuhyun's fingers tracing nonsense patterns on his skin.

\--

They spend their days exploring the woods around the lake, occasionally taking trips to the village to talk with Siwon or Donghae, or to get more food and water. Zhou Mi feels lighter, happier than he's been in ages, able to think and breathe and forget, just for a little while.

Zhou Mi has dreamed of settling down with a nice girl with a cute face, or a serious, driven man who could take care of him. Kyuhyun is neither of those, meticulous but carefree, competent but often caught in the middle of a fond smile. Zhou Mi itches to draft pages of literature about nothing but feelings, of the happiness and sadness and love that he feels surrounded by the lake and the trees and Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun lets him be sad and angry and lost and doesn't punish him for it like everyone else seems to. 

He notices Kyuhyun's moods, too. There are the quick smiles and smooth laughs, but there are also times when he'll just stand at the edge of the lake and stare at it, digging his nails so hard into his palm that the marks almost bleed. Zhou Mi always wants to ask why but knows there are some boundaries still between them, doesn't know where they lie just yet. When he sees Kyuhyun bite his lip and look at him with questions in his eyes, he doesn't think that either of them does.

\--

Warm spring sunlight filters into the tent through an open panel when Zhou Mi wakes up on the fourth week, rousing blearily and stretching the drowsiness out of his joints. Kyuhyun's no longer lying next to him but his blankets feel just-slept-in, so he can't be far.

When Zhou Mi finally decides to get up to wash his face, he sees a sleep-ruffled Kyuhyun standing at the edge of the lake, playing with a pocketknife. He can't see Kyuhyun's face, but he can see how he flicks the blade in and out of its handle lazily, occasionally throwing it up in the air to catch it expertly by the end. It makes Zhou Mi nervous, seeing the glittering blade so close to Kyuhyun's fingertips.

"You're going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that." He comes up behind Kyuhyun and wraps his arms around the other's waist. Kyuhyun stays still, frighteningly still, and Zhou Mi's chest tightens even more than when he was playing with the knife. 

"Kyuhyun…?" 

"I have something to tell you, Zhou Mi," Kyuhyun whispers, voice bleak, and his hand grips the handle of the blade until his knuckles turn white. It's unlike him to be so tense; Zhou Mi's so used to his lofty voice and easy smile, his laugh that makes his eyes crinkle around the edges. Zhou Mi's voice trembles in his throat. 

"What, have you robbed a bank? Committed mass murder?" he jokes half-heartedly. "Why are you so nervous?"

There's a long, dreadful silence. Zhou Mi holds his breath, and Kyuhyun continues to flick the knife in agitation. 

Finally, Kyuhyun moves, and before Zhou Mi can stop him he scores three deep lines across his forearm.  

 _What the hell?_ Zhou Mi thinks. "Are you _crazy_?" he shouts aloud, lurching forward to clamp his hands around the cuts now pulsing red with blood. Acid rolls in his stomach when his fingers feel slick and slide along Kyuhyun's skin. "Is this what you're trying to tell me, you're suicidal? Because if that's the case, I'm pretty sure there are safer ways to go about doing it!" Zhou Mi's dealt with his mother's catatonia before, but this is a different form of self-destruction entirely.  

"Zhou Mi, I - "

"What the hell, Kyuhyun, we need to move, we don't have a phone and the closest one is probably in that village but that's at least a five minute _run_ \- " 

"I'm nineteen, Zhou Mi," Kyuhyun tries to get out over Zhou Mi's panic, but Zhou Mi just sighs sharply through his teeth and works on trying to rip his shirt in half to make some sort of tourniquet. 

"Is that why you're so worked up?" he scolds, hitting Kyuhyun hard over the head. "You're still Kyuhyun to me, stupid, whatever age you are. What does a couple years’ difference matter? Is it really worth it to kill yourself over that?"

Kyuhyun turns in Zhou Mi's arms and grips his shoulders tight enough to hurt. "I've been nineteen for _forty-eight years_ , Zhou Mi," he hisses. "That's why I'm so worked up. That's what I couldn't tell you." His gaze is fierce and his eyes wild, a challenge and a plea all at once. His shoulders shake imperceptibly, as if he's about to cry. 

Zhou Mi doesn't even hear him, just tries to pull Kyuhyun's arm over his head in a rash attempt to stop the bleeding. Kyuhyun makes a frustrated sound and thrusts his wrist forward in front of Zhou Mi's face. 

"See, Zhou Mi?" he yells, loud enough to startle Zhou Mi out of the sobs that are starting to build in his chest. And Zhou Mi does see, he sees the blood winking bright red at him under the morning sun, sees Kyuhyun's pale skin peeking out too. But his breath catches in his throat, and he takes Kyuhyun's wrists and gently flips them over in his hands. There are no markings there, no open wounds, no scars, nothing. 

" _Impossible_ ," Zhou Mi breathes. 

Kyuhyun breathes hard through his nose, and tears sparkle across his cheekbones. 

"No knife wound can hurt me, Zhou Mi," he says, shoulders set in some kind of impenetrable defense. "Nothing can hurt me. I've been nineteen for forty-eight years, Zhou Mi, and I'll be nineteen for much, much longer than that. I'm immortal Zhou Mi, and I need you to understand that. Please, Zhou Mi, please understand." 

Zhou Mi says nothing for a long, long time. He eyes the youthfulness in Kyuhyun's skin, the lack of wrinkles and the brightness in his eyes, the way his hair curls up from his face like a child's. He looks every bit a nineteen-year-old boy, not a sixty-seven year old man. 

But then he remembers Siwon’s secretive voice and his warnings, and some part of Zhou Mi feels like he understands.

"Impossible," he breathes again, and Kyuhyun's hand tightens into a fist around the knife. Zhou Mi swallows and tries to straighten his back, tries to look like he has some control over the conflicting emotions that whirl around inside him. He sits at the edge of the lake, patting the patch of grass next to him.

"I suppose you have a lot of explaining to do, Kyuhyun," he says quietly, and prepares himself for the long story that promises itself in Kyuhyun's eyes. 

\--

"This lake gives birth to all of the plants in this valley," Kyuhyun begins in a somber voice, swishing his feet around in the water. "The soil here is too dry, and there are too many rocks. If it were not for the lake, all of the crops would die, and the land would be left uninhabitable. The water from the lake seems to give the plants an extra resilience against drought and disease, but it seems to work differently on plants than on humans. 

"I first came to this valley when I was eight years old." Kyuhyun's tone turns musing, and his eyes are veiled with reminiscence. "My parents were a couple of hippies, I suppose you can say, and they fell in love with the village not far from here when they were backpacking through the countryside. The lake here became a place where they could get away from the world, just be with nature and the flora and fauna and all of that crap that they went on about. I was more of a city boy myself - I loved the prospect of building skyscrapers that could touch the clouds, or bridges that could connect countries over the ocean. I wanted to be an engineer for the longest time, but my parents, being out of work as they were, would never be able to pay the tuition for university, and as a young boy with very basic education I wasn't really top pickings for scholarships either. 

"Ironically, my parents died in an automobile accident when I was eighteen. Since we were in the village so often, it was almost like we forgot what being around technology was like. My father thought that if he could make a fire by hand in the middle of the woods, he could drive a car easily. We were on our way back to the city after a long stay in the village, and we crashed into a tree on the side of the road when my father lost control of the car and flipped us over. My parents were killed instantly, but since I was in the back seat, I barely came out of the crash with my life. 

"I was left handicapped for the longest time. I had to stay in a hospital in the city for over four months, relearning how to walk and use the toilet and feed myself because half of the bones in my body were broken some way or another. I resented the lake after that, and my parents' love for it, because it took away my dreams of climbing the tallest towers and building the biggest bridges from me. It took my family away from me. 

"I went back, though. A year after the accident, I went back, because that's what you do when you grieve after an accident, isn't it? You go back to the scene, blame yourself for everything that happened, and then you forgive yourself and move on." He laughs, breaking Zhou Mi momentarily from the trance he'd sunken into listening to Kyuhyun's story. 

"When I came back," Kyuhyun continues with a small smile, "The villagers took a special interest to me. I was the poor, crippled boy who lost his parents in a tragic accident. I was subject to pain pills and hospital checkups, I was deemed emotionally scarred by the whole ordeal. One of the older women – the ahjumma you met – took me in with very little fuss, since I was a quiet boy and caused no trouble and worked hard on the farm even though I could barely walk without limping anymore.

"What I didn't know was that they were lacing my food, my drink, with water from the lake. Small doses, sure, but after a while they started to accumulate in my body. I felt better than ever, stronger, healthier, and I didn't question it. I just thought I was healing because I was one with nature and whatever my parents had brainwashed me with when I was younger. 

"Of all things, I found out when I was in a tractor incident a few months after I moved in. I was hauling hay bales when the hitch connecting the hayrack to the tractor broke, and the damned thing rolled into a ditch, taking me with it." He barks a laugh. "A pitiful way to go, wouldn't it have been? It was agony, being there, my bones broken and my chest crushed by one of the wheels. I begged for death, then. 

"But then I heard something strange, a cracking sound, as though my bones were being popped back into place. The cut on my forehead that should have killed me knit up by itself, and the bleeding stopped entirely. That day I was able to crawl out of that ditch, completely whole and alive. 

"After that, I learned that the village was built as protection for the lake, where the villagers could carefully decide who would be able to learn of its secrets, and who to keep away. Who would've thought? The guardians of the Fountain of Youth, smack in the middle of the Korean countryside."

Kyuhyun looks sharply at Zhou Mi, who hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath. He lets out a long whistle from between his teeth and gestures for Kyuhyun to continue. 

"I'm the latest of those turned immortal. The others in the village are able to live peaceful lives when I'm here to keep watch over the lake. Some of the younger ones moved out in order to find work to do in the city, like Changmin. Sometimes I send a few of him samples of lake water so he can find out what it changes in us to make us live forever. But I'm forced to stay here, bound to the lake with the duty as its guardian." There's no bravado to Kyuhyun's finish, no bitterness in his voice, just a deep loneliness that shows in the way his voice cracks with longing.

"Is that why you came to my town?" Zhou Mi asks. "To find… companionship?"

Kyuhyun smiles at Zhou Mi, a peculiar light flickering in his eyes. "I heard about a book that had everlasting in its name," he says. "It was about the history of the lake, and the people in the village have been searching for it for centuries. I was told by someone that it had turned up in a tiny bookshop in the middle of a suburban town, and I sought it out because I thought that if I could find the person who owned it, or at least took an interest in it, I could make that person my companion. I suppose it was a desperate, selfish attempt to cure myself of my loneliness."

"You waited outside of Crossroads for ages without coming in, even though you knew the book was in there… Why?"

"People watching," Kyuhyun replies simply. "There are many people who came in and out of your store, you, your friend Hankyung, all of your customers. How was I to know who could become my companion, who would fit me so completely that he would give up his entire life for me? When I discovered that the book had already been taken out and hadn't been returned, I was devastated. I thought that my search was pointless, and I would have to go back to the lake to be alone for another forty-eight years…" 

"And then you found me," Zhou Mi says, and he's startled by the naked hope in his voice. Kyuhyun grins at him, wide enough to show his teeth. 

"Yeah. Then I found you."

Zhou Mi traces the veins along Kyuhyun's wrist with his fingertip. The skin is whole now, free of blood. Zhou Mi wonders how it must have looked after the accident, covered in scars and bruises, and shudders to himself.

When Kyuhyun speaks again, he looks across the lake to where the village would be, reverence in his eyes. He grips Zhou Mi's hand tighter in his own. 

"This lake has so much power," he says, voice trembling. "It has the power to cure the injured, the sick, make someone live forever. Zhou Mi - "

"Oh," Zhou Mi says, realization hitting him like a freight train. It's suddenly hard to breathe. _Oh_. "Kyuhyun, I - "

"I'm not asking you to do it," Kyuhyun says quickly, flailing a little bit at Zhou Mi's stricken expression. "I'm asking you to consider it, the possibility that you can cure yourself of a disease that you've lived with since you were twelve years old. I'm asking if you'd even think about the possibility of living with me… being with me…" Kyuhyun stops then and bites his lip, as though it's physically painful for him to continue. _Forever?_ Zhou Mi thinks back to the children playing in the village, their mother calling for them in the distance, and realizes that it’ll always be that way because they’ll _never grow old_. He swallows around his dry tongue and Kyuhyun pulls away, laughs to himself.  

"Hey. Hey, Kyuhyun," Zhou Mi murmurs, cupping Kyuhyun's cheek in his palm. "Hey, look at me."

He does, and Zhou Mi brushes at the dry corners of his eyes. Then slowly, slowly he lowers his head until he presses his temple to Kyuhyun's sweater, feeling the strong, steady heartbeat underneath.

Kyuhyun lets out a shaky breath through his teeth. "You're not screaming bloody murder yet," he says, trying to keep valiantly still. Zhou Mi laughs as he feels Kyuhyun's pulse quicken and he tangles their fingers together, tight. "No, I think I'm stronger than that."

"You can accept it, just like that?" Kyuhyun asks, and shudders when he feels the tip of Zhou Mi's nose skim over his collarbone. "That I'm technically old enough to be your grandfather?"

Zhou Mi pauses and looks up and sees Kyuhyun staring at the sky, face troubled, then continues to listen to Kyuhyun's pulse, willing his own to slow down. 

"You're still you, Kyuhyun," he says softly. _You make me happy_. "And besides - " he slaps Kyuhyun's butt playfully, earning himself a shriek of laughter and a wiggle, " - you're still pretty cute."

Still trembling with giggles, Kyuhyun takes Zhou Mi's face in his hands and lowers himself until they're at eye level with each other. There's a wide open grin curling at Kyuhyun's lips and lighting up his eyes as he kisses Zhou Mi, quick and sweet, and pulls away with that same smile, that same laugh. 

" _Thank you_ , Zhou Mi," he says emphatically, stroking his fingers along Zhou Mi's cheekbones. "Thank you."

They spend the rest of the day kicking their feet in the water, laying out on the grass to dry, talking and kissing and sometimes doing absolutely nothing, completely absorbed in each other's company. They don't talk again about the lake, or their pasts, or their future together, but that's okay, Zhou Mi thinks. They'll have all the time for that in the future. 

\--

Zhou Mi remembers a time, when he was six and Yiling was eleven. His father had left for a business trip the day before, and they waited in the kitchen playing with the remains of their dinner for him to come home. 

Zhou Mi remembers a phone call, yelling, screaming, crying. His mother's voice, high and pleading and broken. He remembers not knowing what was going on, and his sister holding onto him as the hour hand on the clock ticked past midnight.  

The next morning, his mother hadn't gotten out of bed, and he tried to shake her awake because he was going to be late for school, and there was a man with a crocodile coming that day, and _please, please Mama wake up, how do I make breakfast?_

After a while, Yiling came in screaming, throwing the covers off of their mother's body and dragging Zhou Mi into the other room, where she told him to stay put and be quiet and _be a good, good boy, Mama is going to be okay_. There was more shouting, and a thick, heavy silence that pressed against Zhou Mi's eardrums. When the sun set, Yiling came back, her face blank and her body limp. She made a couple of phone calls, heated up some leftovers for Zhou Mi to eat, and tucked him back into the bed, giving him a quick peck to the forehead.  

"Everything's going to be okay, Zhou Mi," she whispered as she turned off the light next to the bed. In the dark he could still see her eyes, the whites so wide that they dominated her face, pulling it into caricature-like gruesomeness. "Be _happy_ , Zhou Mi."

That day started the cycle of the not knowing, always fearing their mother's moods, her anger, her grief, her apathy. When Yiling passed away, his mother spiraled into a vicious, consuming depression that made him, too, wish to sleep and never wake up. When Yiling passed away, part of him resented her for leaving him all alone in this mess he had to deal with, but the other part said, _Thank God. Thank God._  

\--

Zhou Mi wakes with a strange, sharp awareness that he's being watched. He hears nothing but the racing of his pulse and roaring in his ears, but visceral panic twists at his throat and chokes off his breath.

"Kyuhyun," he whispers urgently, shaking the blankets next to him, "Kyuhyun, wake up, I think there's someone outside."

"'S probably Donghae or Siwon, maybe Henry if Changmin’s back," Kyuhyun murmurs sleepily in reply and snuggles deeper into the blankets before Zhou Mi flings them all the way off. 

"It's not someone from the village, Kyuhyun," Zhou Mi says, voice high with fear. 

That makes Kyuhyun jerk awake, eyes narrowed and clear. His hand roams next to him through a pile of clothes and comes up with the gun, the cold steel winking dangerously in the light, stark black against his pale skin. He pushes out of the tent, Zhou Mi following close behind, and they both stop cold when they see a figure standing in front of the lake, swaying to and fro like he's going to pitch forward at any moment.

"Good morning, good morning," the stranger giggles. "What brings you two here, to the Fountain of Youth?"

Zhou Mi can feel Kyuhyun stiffen beside him and grips his arm tightly, restraining.

"I should ask you the same thing, sir," Kyuhyun replies calmly. The stranger turns and gives them a grin, wide enough to make him look deranged and desperate, and Zhou Mi gives a loud gasp when he sees the knife glistening in the man's hand. 

"The book!" the man says and laughs loud and high. "The book, the wonderful book, it told me everything about the lake, and the village, and the people in it. It traces the strange nature of the valley, the crops that grow even though the soil has no nourishment." 

Zhou Mi jolts bodily, and remembers. The man with the sallow skin, the book bound in soft leather. The way he'd asked for the book called everlasting something with a look of eagerness that seemed uncharacteristic on a face that looked so, so sad. 

"My child died!" the man spits. "First my wife from cancer, now my child. My beautiful baby girl, she died in a car crash because I wasn't paying attention to the road. She was only ten! Only ten years of life for a little girl who had the best voice in the choir and the best grades in her class, and she was gone. 

"But then I heard of this book from an old professor I knew, about a lake that could give a person everlasting life and I sought it out. It came up in a small suburban town in South Korea, and I borrowed it from the owners who didn't even know what was right under their noses. 

"It took me a long, long time to get here." He gestures to the lake with the same deranged smile. "And now I can give my beautiful baby girl her life back."

Zhou Mi feels the sympathy right through his spine, and he wants to go to the man tell him he's not alone and he can get through it, the loss, the pain. He wants to say it so much that he lurches forward, but Kyuhyun holds him back with brutal strength.

"This lake can't bring your daughter back," he says steadily, and he takes Zhou Mi by the wrist so they move forward together, Kyuhyun still covering Zhou Mi's body with his own and using the gun as a sort of shield against the knife that glitters in the sun. "The water in this lake can make any living person immortal, but there is no power in the world that can raise someone from the dead." Kyuhyun gulps, his Adam's apple vibrating with the authority he's trying to exert in his voice. 

"I know," he says, swallowing again. "I know because my parents died in a car crash, too, before I knew of the lake. There was no bringing them back, sir, I tried everything I could. There is nothing the lake can do - "

" _Liar!_ " the man roars. "My professor told me, he told me that the lake could save her, I could save her…"

"Sir," Kyuhyun stresses, and releases the safety on the gun, batting Zhou Mi away when he makes a frightened noise. "There is nothing you can do. I'm sorry for your loss, but I believe it would better if you just go."

"You're one of them, aren't you," the man snarls. "You think that because you found out first, you're the only ones who have the right? Then maybe I should - "

But Zhou Mi doesn't figure out what he's going to say, because it's what the man _does_ that makes his pulse rise to his throat.  

The man charges, the knife stretched out in his hand, and it only takes him a few seconds to cross the grass to where Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi stand frozen. One moment Zhou Mi has the most spectacular view of the sun, hanging bright and heavy in the sky, and the next Kyuhyun is falling, falling, hands to his stomach where the knife protrudes, spreading a circle of red on his shirt.  

 _No_ , Zhou Mi thinks. _No!_

He sees the man grab the handle of the knife and pull it out of Kyuhyun's body, but at the same time Zhou Mi bends down to take the gun from Kyuhyun's fingertips. With the safety released, it's easy, so easy to pull the trigger. 

Time spins out before him, everything in slow motion. The man falls, inch by inch, and Zhou Mi's surprised that he's the first person he reaches for, not Kyuhyun. His hands tremble, so much that he doesn't know who's shaking from the shock anymore, the man or himself. Blood trickles out of the man's mouth as he gasps for breath, and Zhou Mi knows that the bullet has hit something precious. 

"I know, too," Zhou Mi says, the beginnings of a sob at his throat. "I know the pain of loss. My sister, she sang like an angel, and she gave a beautiful speech as a valedictorian, and I loved her so, so much. I love her. You'll be with your baby girl soon. I'm sorry."

There's something in the man's eyes akin to desperation, as though he's trying to say something but can't quite get it out. But then, then they turn starkly blank, and Zhou Mi can see the color already fading from the irises. Surprisingly, there are no tears, no feelings of horror. Zhou Mi lays the body against the grass, where insects already begin gathering around the spreading pool of blood. 

"Ah…" he hears Kyuhyun groan behind him, after a while. "I almost forgot how much that kind of thing hurts." 

Zhou Mi turns, and Kyuhyun sits up, ruffles his hand through his hair. Then he sees the body and leaps up to his feet with a gasp. 

"Is he dead?" he asks sharply, and Zhou Mi nods a yes. 

They hear rustling from far off, and Siwon and Donghae come running from across the lake, panting. 

"We heard gunshots," Donghae says. "Is everything alright?" Then he sees the body, and his eyes go wide. "What the hell, Kyuhyun, did you do this?"

Kyuhyun gives Zhou Mi a hard stare to tell him _whatever you do, don't say a word_ , and gives a short nod. "Yes. Yes, I killed this man. He was threatening to reveal the secrets of the lake, so I had to."

"How did he know about us?" Siwon asks, and only then does Zhou Mi notice the book that's lying innocuously at the edge of the lake. He picks it up, and brushes grass off of the faded leather cover. 

" _Everlasting Legends of the Korean Countryside_ ," he whispers aloud, then chokes on a strained, broken laugh. "A bit unoriginal, isn't it?" 

Kyuhyun comes up behind him and wraps an arm around his shoulder to lean closer and whisper in his ear.  

"Don't speak," he orders, so low Zhou Mi has to strain to hear him. "No matter what anyone says, I committed the murder, okay? You had nothing to do with this. Zhou Mi, do you understand me?" When Zhou Mi opens his mouth to reply, Kyuhyun holds up his hand. "Zhou Mi, think about your mother. Who's going to take care of her? You. You, Zhou Mi. You can't go to prison because of this." Zhou Mi just nods this time, his question tight in his chest. Kyuhyun turns him in his arms and hugs him, long and hard, and Zhou Mi breathes, breathes in Kyuhyun’s grass-paper-sunshine scent and stares over his shoulder at Siwon and Donghae who are preparing to hide the body. 

Whereas time seemed to slow down before, now it speeds up, whirling before Zhou Mi so fast that his head spins. There are shovels, a hole, a crystalline flask, dozens of greetings and goodbyes. Zhou Mi remembers a moment, when Siwon grasped his shoulder tight enough to bruise, giving him a probing stare as Kyuhyun and Donghae hugged goodbye. Siwon's glance wandered toward Kyuhyun for a moment before coming back, and he gave a terse, almost regretful nod. 

At the end of it all Zhou Mi finds himself at the train station half an hour away from the village, staring at Kyuhyun, not comprehending what he just said. 

"What do you mean you're not coming with me," Zhou Mi chokes out on a sharp exhale. He feels pain creep up his neck, something he hadn’t felt in… he can’t remember when.

Kyuhyun stands a foot away, too far because Zhou Mi wants to hold him to his chest. _I'll protect you_ , he wants to say. _Kyuhyun, I'll protect you_. He wants to say other things too, like _It’s not your fault that your parents died_ and _I don’t blame you_ and _I’m happy, Kyuhyun, I’m happy_ , but it seems too late for all that now. Kyuhyun hesitates, then lifts his hand to press his thumb softly to Zhou Mi's cheek bone. 

"Zhou Mi," he whispers, fierce. "I will come back for you. No matter what, I'll come back to you. When everyone forgets, when all of this goes away… I'll come back."

"Kyuhyun…" And as much as Zhou Mi wants to protest, to say _no, no please don't leave_ , he gets it. The man, if anyone goes looking for him, his murder will fall on the entire village if he's discovered. Kyuhyun has to get as far away as possible with the blood on his hands to protect his friends, his family. 

"Henry will be watching over the lake," Kyuhyun says. "He's bright, brighter than I am, and he'll take good care of it. But promise me, Zhou Mi. Promise me you'll go there, even just once a year, just to see how he's doing. It gets lonely there, Zhou Mi, and the villagers can't risk going there and drawing too much attention. _Promise_ me you'll take care of Henry, please."

Zhou Mi nods fervently, wringing Kyuhyun's hands in his own, desperate to draw this time out as much as possible.  

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself," Zhou Mi pleads in return. "Don't get into any more trouble, make sure you eat and sleep, make some friends if you get lonely." _Remember me_ , goes unsaid. 

Kyuhyun smiles, but it gets caught at the edges of his mouth, not quite reaching his eyes. He reaches for his bag and pulls out a heavy book and a small, crystal vial. 

"Bring this back to Han Geng," he says, and presses the book into Zhou Mi's arms. "And this - " he holds up the bottle, " - it's a small amount of water from the lake. Zhou Mi, I'm not forcing you to drink it, I don't - Just keep it with you, to remember me, and if you ever feel …"  

Zhou Mi doesn't mention the piles and piles of gifts that he has left in his room, things that will remind him of Kyuhyun every. single. _day_. He takes the book in his arms, runs his fingers over the faded lettering on the cover, and holds it out again.  

"This isn't Han Geng's, and it isn't mine either. It belongs to the people of your village. Please, take it." 

Kyuhyun looks at the book, and then into Zhou Mi's eyes, something unreadable and profound in his expression.  

"Be happy, Zhou Mi," he murmurs. "Take care of your mother, write the book of your dreams. Do what you love. And… And I don't know when I can be back, so Zhou Mi if you - if you - "

And that's enough, Zhou Mi's heard enough, so he takes Kyuhyun into his arms and squeezes him close enough to feel his pulse through his sweater, strong and quick. When he hears the whistle of the train and the bustle of people waiting to get on, he lets go and Kyuhyun pushes him toward the doors. 

"Go," he says, his voice wrecked with grief. "Be well, Zhou Mi."

Zhou Mi nods, and leans forward to press their lips together, one last time. His aim is off, though, it's more like they bang noses, and Zhou Mi feels a single tear from Kyuhyun's lashes transfer to his cheek. But it's all they have, there's no more time, and the train is already moving when Zhou Mi has to get on, scrambling into a compartment to open the window. He waves at Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun waves back, running all the way with the train until he can't keep up anymore and he just falls back to the ground, crying and laughing and waving and waving until Zhou Mi's out of sight. 

\--

Zhou Mi remembers of time of absolute peace, safety. He doesn’t remember exactly when it was, though, because everything blurs together: a flour-speckled apron, a high, clear song, the smells of paper and glue, a crystal-clear lake. Zhou Mi grasps at these memories in his sleep, never knowing to which one he’ll wake up.

\--

Zhou Mi unlocks the door to his home and he toes off his shoes at the welcome mat. Quiet music filters in from the dining room, old Chinese ballads that Zhou Mi hadn't heard since he and his mother moved from Wuhan. 

He creeps up to his bedroom, fearing his mother's mood and the fierce, aching pain that begins at the bottom of his ribs and spreads up to his lungs and down to his stomach. The door is open and the room looks just as he left it, the comforter kicked to the bottom of the bed and his suitcase spilled haphazardly all over the floor. 

Kyuhyun's gifts still sit in piles just under the windowsill. Zhou Mi touches the umbrella, and runs his hand along the spines of books, the strap of a handbag until he rests on the copy of _Waiting for Godot_ , and on top of that is his own ratty journal and then the brand-new one, the leather soft and warm from the light filtering in from the window. He pockets just this, and his fingertips itch with the urge to write. 

He jumps violently when there’s a creak at the door, swiping Beckett and his old journal behind the pile of gifts, and he hears someone sigh, "Zhou Mi."

"Ma," Zhou Mi nearly chokes out, and he whirls around to find his mother standing in the doorway, her face pained but surprisingly free of tears, clutching at her chest and trembling with relief. He trips across the room to pull her into a crushing hug, feeling the weight of the past twenty-four hours relieve itself in brutal strength, but they need that, need the pain, need that to bring them together to be a family again. 

"My boy, my sweet darling boy," Zhou Mi's mother whispers into his shoulder. 

"I. Missed you," Zhou Mi breathes back, and he feels the words with his whole body. Zhou Mi's mother steps back and brushes stray tears that trickle from Zhou Mi's eyes, holding his face in between her hands so that he feels like a child again, small and vulnerable and so, so young. 

"I'll be better," she promises, but he just waves her apologies away with a smile. 

"We'll both be better," he assures and squeezes her hand in his own. His mother dabs at her eyes and then claps her hands together, running out of the room in her excitement.  

"You haven't been home in almost a month, you must be in need of a nice home-cooked meal," she babbles. "But you look so good, Mi, so good, where did you go? If it was to the spa I should sign up for a few days myself…" 

The rest is lost when she rounds the corner to fuss around the kitchen and Zhou Mi laughs, light and easy, and peeks at the mirror next to the door. He's tanned, flushed high with color on his cheeks. There's eagerness in his eyes, a wild, adventurous form of excitement that masks the hint of longing that threatens to come out. Maybe he should feel sad, even remorseful for what had happened at the lake, but now he's just _happy_. 

When he makes his way out of his room, something heavy shifts in his pocket, and he reaches down to pull out the crystal bottle filled with clean, clear liquid, dozens of facets cut into the glass. Now he can see the faint bluish tinge to what's inside, the only thing that's hinting that it's not just normal water. He stands on a pair of pants and maybe a shirt and just tests the bottle's weight in his hand, the choked feeling of loss creeping up his throat. 

Zhou Mi sets it on the windowsill, walks out to join his mother. He closes the door and never sees the hundreds and hundreds of rainbows that the crystal vial throws on the walls. 

\--

At twenty-four, Zhou Mi publishes his first book called _Life; Everlasting_. It's a romance novel full of almosts and what ifs, chance meetings and why can't we get togethers. It's a story about love, life, and moving on. 

Some critics equate it a modern _Pride and Prejudice_ ; others call it a sad excuse for teenage angst. It is popular with the teenagers, though, and nothing like anything Zhou Mi thought he would write in his entire life. He's currently working on a Chinese to Korean translation of the novel with the help of his close friend, Han Geng. 

Zhou Mi is known for loving camping and the outdoors, and makes monthly visits to a small village in the Korean countryside. He lives with his mother in a quiet suburban town by the sea, unmarried and without children. 

 

 


End file.
